By morning, gone

By morning,
Gone was any trace of the person she once was
Different versions of who she used to be were swept away
Into the thrashing ocean seas
Faraway into the unknown
Never to be carried back to shore again

Echoes of a thousand voices that resounded in her ears
During the gloomiest hours of the night while asleep:
“The dreams that you have are unreasonable.”
“Your pain and your sadness are fake.”
“The way you love is too overwhelming.”
“Whatever you do, it is not enough.”
Not ever to be heard again

Are those who have once loved her
Those who have left rapidly short of reason
Those whom she misses wholeheartedly and
Knows that they at no time will return
Into the vast ocean they flee
And she breathes gently
For fragments of her heart were secretly given to each person
But little does she know
Those vacant spaces will heal with time
And eventually
With people who will stay

Are the tormentors
The critics
The self-doubt
The hesitations
Fears of what others might think of her choices
Fears of not knowing where she is going
Because others seem to be on track…
Not ever to exist in her world

Is her blazing self-respect
Her daydreams
Moments when she thinks about time machines and
Old childhood dreams
Fairy tales and wonderland
A world where everything makes sense
Of a love that is easy…
Though it almost never is

Is her love for the moon and the stars
Talking to strangers in airports about lovers and books
Walks along the California ocean shoreline and
Her belief that you truly can find the good in people,
No matter how much harm they have done,
If you just give them a chance…

She grasps onto the fact that her distinct intuition
Has not failed her yet
And slowly apprehends that without the heartbreak and
Without the failed explorations
Without the mistakes she has made
Without the violent, catastrophic storms
Without the harsh words of tormentors who were once present
She could have never arrived so steadily
So beautifully

And by morning,
Gone was any trace of the person she once was

Sky C.


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